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Wednesday, December 21st, 2016
11:04 am - Time for bliss

Yogananda said that westerners keep busy all the time and never leave any time for bliss.  I could write about the idea of the "American Dream" and what that means, but I'm not in 10th grade anymore.  Essentially, the idea is if you work really hard to make lots of money, you will find that American dream which ultimately equates to happiness.

In teaching meditation, I find there are often people who have the mentality that they just can't sit still and they can't clear their minds.  While I understand the mentality because I've been there in my own journey, it's a very limiting mentality in general.  It's like giving yourself a handicap.  Even if you tried and failed, why does that mean you can't practice to get better?  I have a hard time with that mentality because my own will is pretty strong and I don't like to give up.  Giving up on meditation is like saying, "I just refuse to be happy".

I feel bad for people who don't understand that their own happiness is in their own control.  It doesn't depend on someone else or something else.  We are raised in this culture to think that if we have enough money or that true love, beauty, respect or attention from other people we will be happy.  This is truth in some ways because we think it to be true.  If we think money or love will make us happy, it will be true...but only for a little while.  This earthly happiness is something that we have all experienced; however, it's not this seeminly unattainable bliss that Yogananda speaks of.

Bliss is the connection to god, to the universe, to your maker, and to yourself.  It's not describable in words.  It doesn't feel like the happiness that comes with money or earthly, conditional love from another person.  It's much deeper, stronger.  We have glimpses of it in our connections with other beings, with the earth itself, and with nature.  This is a good place to start for those nay sayers.  There's a reason being in nature helps people to feel better, whatever that means.  Sunshine, fresh air, a connection to nature, which is god.  But naysayers...you should know that god is you too.  You are nature and bliss is within your realm.  It doesn't mean you have to sit on a pillow and chant, nor does it mean that you have to meditate in any one way or only in one way.  It doesn't mean you have to limit yourself to this.

I usually suggest starting slow and small and if you can't sit still, walk slowly in nature.  If you can't clear your mind (I certainly can't all the time) use your thoughts to guide you, don't get frustrated because you can't stop thinking...we never stop thinking, truly.  This is essentially what a shamanic journey is.  It's finding a meditative state with an intention to seek or question something or to find a focus.  It's focusing the mind on an intention.

I'll get a little more in to the journey process another time.  I hadn't visited this process in many years and have recently come across it again.  It has re-awakened something in me that I forgot about.



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Tuesday, December 20th, 2016
10:15 am - nobody's fault
"Treated you like a rusty blade
A throwaway from an open grave
Cut you loose from a chain gang
And let you go
And on the day you said it's true
Some love holds, some gets used
Tried to tell you I never knew
It could be so sweet
Who could ever be so cruel,
Blame the devil for the things you do
It's such a selfish way to lose
The way you lose these wasted blues
These wasted blues
Tell me that it's nobody's fault
Nobody's fault
But my own
That it's nobody's fault
Nobody's fault
But my own
When the moon is a counterfeit
Better find the one that fits
Better find the one that lights
The way for you
When the road is full of nails,
Garbage pails and darkened jails
And their tongues
Are full of heartless tales
That drain on you
Who would ever notice you
You fade into a shaded room
It's such a selfish lose
The way you lose these wasted blues
These wasted blues
Tell me that it's nobody's fault

Nobody's fault But my own
Tell me that it's nobody's fault
Nobody's fault
But my own tell me that it's nobody's fault
Nobody's fault
But my own tell me that it's nobody's fault
Nobody's fault
But my own
Tell me that it's nobody's fault
Nobody's fault
But my own
Tell me that it's nobody's fault
Nobody's fault
But my own..."

I always had such a crush on Beck.
Underdogs and sad freaks
No reason, no worry

Getting in touch with my power again
Turns out if you give your power away, it goes freely
Flies into the winter sky until you call it back again

Forgiveness is powerful.




current mood: tired

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Friday, July 29th, 2016
4:37 pm - I think I know how I feel
Had another strange dream last night.  I was back in graduate school but the class was taking place in a house.  It wasn't a house I could determine but it had a living room area with a big window.  It felt like it was dark or cold outside.  Jaime, a friend from my job at Rosemont was definitely there but there were other people there as well.  I ended up going outside somehow and found that my cat, Church had escaped and was hanging out with a full grown male lion.  I walked around to front of the house where I saw them walk, to try to get him away from the lion and found that it wasn't my cat after all but the lion was under the porch with a raccoon.  It wasn't really a porch, but a hole in the earth that made a little cave out of soil and grass.

I finally slept last night.  The eye twitch is gone and I feel much better today.

current mood: crazy

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Thursday, July 28th, 2016
4:42 pm - Some Kind of Stranger
I had strange dream.  That's pretty normal these days.  I was young and driving around a city with people.  I'm not entirely sure who they were but I kind of feel like Doug was there.  I had to go to the bathroom and decided that the company sucked so I jumped out of the car.  I found a community center/public library type thing and climbed the stairs to look for the bathroom.  When I got in there it was filled with dudes.  I thought that perhaps I went into the wrong bathroom and asked a guy if I was wrong or if he was wrong.  Then I walked out and looked at the sign...it said "Coed Bathrooms"  so I guess it was just filled with guys at that moment.  I went back in and it was disgusting.  I decided that I was going to have to find another place to go.  Then I woke up.

This week has been weird.  People are dropping like flies.  I don't know if it's like that end of January death wave, but my neighbor from across the street died suddenly (she was 87), one of my yoga student resident's husband dropped dead suddenly (he was young), one of the driver's wife (64), and three other residents.

I haven't been sleeping.  I toss and turn and roll and get up and read facebook and toss and turn and roll and get up and walk around and put my feet up and...well, you get my point.  Average night sleep the past 4 nights is 6 hours....I'm used to getting 7 to 8.  I think it might be the heat and humidity.  Even with the AC on full blast, I'm still hot, or cold, or both at the same time.  I even have a new level of eye twitch in my left eye to accompany the feelings of exhaustion.

I finally quit mySaturday Y yoga job.  Well, I'm trying to quit.  Of course the director of fitness won't accept my resignation email and wants to talk to me in person.  feh.  I knew this was going to be a pain in the ass.  I just want to quit.  There are so many reasons.  Don't make me feel like I have to continue to do things I no longer want to do!  Don't make me come in there and tell you what I REALLY THINK, IN PERSON!  She wants to know why.  I could go on, but I just want to be free.  The drawbacks outweigh the benefits, let's leave it at that.  This door needs to close so a window can open.

Life is transition...

current mood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO5Vz4pVkLQ

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Tuesday, July 26th, 2016
3:30 pm - Control
I had a very disturbing experience floating around on Facebook yesterday.  A friend posted a "story" that had something to do with why women should avoid online dating sites due to the complete lack of quality men out there.  My friend's mentality was kind of a "haha, let's laugh at these clowns," so I clicked.  What I read for about 20 minutes (they are endless) was the most hateful and tasteless texts/posts/emails from men on online dating sites to women on online dating sites.  The gist was that if the woman didn't respond to the "hey, show me your tits" level of greeting, the guy either called her fat, ugly, a whore or slut, an entitled bitch, or indicated that he would find her and kill her.  Wait, WHAT?  Yeah...  My question is, who raised these men?  I mean, it kind of struck a nerve with me...  There were so many threats...  Why is that?

I've been out of it for a while, and I'm not a feminist in the sense that I feel that all men are scum of the earth; however, this is frightening and upsetting to me.  Have these millenial men, who were raised to always get a trophy even when they didn't accomplish anything, banded to stick it to the "sluts of the world" who reject them?  Rejection is just a part of life.  It builds character and teaches kids that they don't always get what they want when they want it.  I've been rejected and it's unpleasant but I'm stronger for it.  These are grown ass men acting this way and typing this shit to grown ass women. The anonymous internet beast has taken away all accountability.

Am I crazy, or is this the new normal?  Or is this just extreme cases?...

Anyway, I needed to vent this frustration somewhere.

current mood: annoyed

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Wednesday, July 20th, 2016
2:38 pm - Guru Brahma
I practiced  yoga outside on the balcony at work today.  It's a somewhat unused area that flanks the card room and overlooks the patio where there is a fountain.  It's in the shade at noontime and the breeze was delightful.  I was so zoned out after I couldn't get my head on straight to even eat my lunch.  My focus of today's practice was surrender.  Surrender to the breath; surrender into each pose; surrender to the flow of breath and the pose and life.

Life teaches us lessons.  It's important to pay attention to them.

current mood: relaxed

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Monday, October 19th, 2015
12:54 pm - WARNING !! VERY POWERFUL MANTRA FOR PROTECTION AGAINST EVIL S

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Tuesday, April 21st, 2015
4:31 pm
the realization that everything needed is within and seeking it externally isn't necessary
perhaps the clouds have gathered because of a shift in weather patterns
a new friend a new group a new focus
drawing me from the mundane

perhaps I'm just tired
no person is what he appears to be
and the protector of justice doesn't do her job
the seeker of truth was sad today
because he realized that nothing is what it seems
and nobody is true to themselves or anyone else

feeling clouded by lack of motivation
feeling ill and slow
finding the will within to let go of free will
follow the will of the universe

disguised in everyday plain clothes
smile with the vigor of enlightenment

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Wednesday, November 19th, 2014
3:09 pm - Something warm and a triangle break
I don't know a whole lot about Chinese medicine but I do know that the philosophy is warmth=health.  While I agree with this somewhat, I still think humans are adaptable so there's no reason to keep the thermostat above 67 in the winter...hence, we wear layers when we're sitting around.  Anyway, there's nothing quite like a hot beverage to warm the body when chilled.

So, coffee.  It's really a personal preference, but I don't recommend drinking more than 1 cup a day.  I know, I know, Dr. Oz says that having 3+ cups a day can be good...I just disagree.  The caffeine increases heart rate and blood pressure and can add undo stress to the body, especially when we're trying to avoid the avoidable stress during the holidays.  That said, I hate to give up my morning cup of joe, so I'm not saying give it up all together, just cut back.  Have one cup before noon and instead of having the afternoon cup, have herbal tea or warm water with a squeeze of lemon, lime or orange.

So what happens when you hit that afternoon brick wall that says, "Have another cup of coffee" or "eat a sugary carby snack"?  Your answer=Triangle pose or utthita trikonasana.  It's a great way to wake up!  If you don't have space in your office, find a little corner where you can be alone for a minute...that's all you need.  30 seconds per side.

I was going to try to type out how to do it but I'll give you a link.  It's the best way to wake up in the afternoon!

http://yoga.about.com/od/yogaposes/a/triangle.htm

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Thursday, November 13th, 2014
2:41 pm - Sunshine and Cardio
Yesterday it was dreary in the morning.  The fog was thick and it was DARK.  I noticed because there was a moment on my way to work where I just didn't want to continue living.  I know that sounds dramatic, but with my history of depression, these thoughts happen more than I would like to admit.  The difference now is that I recognize them immediately and can usually narrow down a source quickly and do my best to redirect the thought pattern to a more positive one.  Thus, these dark moment are just moments...

Anyway, I realized that we are a little over a month out from the shortest day of the year.  The sun is setting and it's close to dark as I drive home and if I don't get my sunshine in the morning, I really notice. (Sorry to those of you, [Kim] who have darkness on the way to and from work in the winter).

I do have a job where I can get out at lunchtime and get a few moments of sunshine if I need to...and if the sun is out.  I've also noticed that cardio can be a decent substitute for my mood.  Now I know that most of you aren't as insane about cardio as I am and most of you can go several days in row without running at least 5 miles, unlike me....  I'm actually trying to cut back for fear of destroying my body, by cutting back, I mean I'm still running 5 miles a day but complaining more about my foot and knee, just like my mother...  But yes, some light cardio such as walking or dancing can really boost the mood.  The best kind of winter cardio is going outside for a brisk walk when the sun is out for at least 15 minutes and allowing the light to get into the retinas.  So that means take the sunglasses off..  Also, get your vitamin D by taking your gloves off and allowing the sun to touch your hands.  Most of us wear daily sunblock (as we should) on our faces, but this means that a lot of us begin to show signs of Vitamin D deficiency, especially in the winter.  The best source of Vitamin D is naturally occuring when the Sun's UV rays interact with our skin.  So yeah, pills don't really cut it.

Vitamin D is very important and they are finding more negative health related things linked to Vitamin D deficiency, such as cancer, cognitive impairment as you age, and increased risk of DEATH due to cardiovascular disease (that's WebMD's way of saying you'll drop dead from a heart attack)

So in addition to your lunch, find a few minutes to get outside in the Sun.  And if you can't get outside during lunch, put on some music and dance around your living room for 20 minutes.  You'll definitely feel better and less suicidal.  Although you could just skip it all and die a quick death from a heart attack. ;)

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2:14 pm - More on Sugar
This article is simple but pretty much puts a little more perspective on the damaging effects of sugar:

https://www.acefitness.org/blog/5128/how-sugar-affects-your-body/?utm_source=SilverpopMailing&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Health-eTips-11-2014&utm_content=Health+eTips&spMailingID=21692768&spUserID=NjU5NTYyNjk3MzES1&spJobID=441337575&spReportId=NDQxMzM3NTc1S0

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Monday, November 10th, 2014
5:01 pm - Make a List but don't check it twice
"The Holidays" get crazy as we all know.  Things are starting to happen and for the next several weeks we'll find ourselves in a tailspin of chaotic activity.  It often happens to me that the holidays come and go and I *wanted* to do so many things that just never happened or I never seemed to have a chance to do them.

This is where the list comes in handy.  List making isn't for everyone, but I find it to be almost theraputic, if not an entirely helpful way to organize my thoughts.  And I like to make lists on a piece of paper with a pen or pencil, not on my phone.  Do whatever works for you, but organize your list into categories.

1.  Make a list of things you would like to do and organize them in order of importance.
For example:

Longwood Gardens to see the lights,
decorate the front of the house,
put up the tree,

These are things you would like to do but the world isn't going to end if they don't happen.  I like to do this list first because you may end up writing down way more things than what is actually physically possible...but the act of actually writing them makes them more real and having written them means you can usually narrow down the top three which makes them much more accessible.

2.  Make a list of the social engagements that are mainly optional and again put them in order of importance to you:

Friends arrive!-December 19th
Party-December 12th
Work Luncheon-December 23rd
Church with mom-December 24th

3.  Make a list of the chores that need doing but that you really don't feel like doing.  I like to save this for last because it can be so daunting and after you've already thought of the fun stuff, you can usually narrow down the chores that absolutely need to be taken care of without letting the stress of it take over.

Rake the yard before Mother comes to visit
Clean out the closets
Christmas shopping

Obviously, depending on how much of a list maker you are, you may want to make a list of gifts you need to purchase so you can keep track.  I have failed to do this in the past and I think it's worth a shot this year...

So after you've made your lists, put them somewhere where you might see them, like the fridge, but don't worry about carrying them around with you.  Just the sheer act of having written your thoughts down will help to ease a little bit of the stress of worrying about all the things you have to do.  It's almost like now that it's on paper, you don't have to carry the thoughts around in your brain for a little while...you know the lists are there to remember for you.  Consult them from time to time to see if you're where you would like to be, but don't beat yourself up if things don't get done...because they won't.

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Friday, November 7th, 2014
4:22 pm - Re-evaluating Beliefs About Myself
I happened upon a blog a few weeks ago in a moment of contemplation.  I decided to subscribe and recieved an update last weekend via email: http://www.theminimalists.com/updated-beliefs/

I read it last Saturday and thought about it all week.  Though I have been on a seemingly endless journey seeking enlightnment, and I consider myself a well educated and "wealthy" individual in the sense that I'm not hungry, or unsheltered and I have access to the nicer things in life.  Most Americans are "wealthy" in comparison to much of the rest of the world, so ask me for a loan. ;)  Essentially, I haven't updated certain beliefs in a very long time.  The one that I struggle with the most, is the belief that I'm not good enough (smart enough, pretty enough, motivated enough, THIN enough, etc...the list goes on).  I know it sounds very cliche and almost adolescent, but it's a prevalent belief among many people. I'd say most people have this belief at some point in their lives...and that got me thinking.

So if what I believe about myself moulds who I am, then what's to say that my negative beliefs about myself aren't moulding my body, mind, and spirit?  I think this is where a lot of deep thinkers fall short, in that the deep thinkers are looking outside of themselves for answeres, as I have been incredibly guilty of this.  Even yoga somehow didn't open my eyes to this entirely.  It's all about updating my beliefs about myself.  If I'm on auto-pilot to think that I'm not good enough, then I won't be...it's simple, right?  So if I'm constantly battling my own worst enemy, myself, where is there room for growth?  There really isn't.  I go in circles because I never really break free of those beliefs.  They are deep and they are strong.

Then I read this other article about modern day dieting: http://www.ideafit.com/fitness-library/the-mythology-of-modern-day-dieting

It essentially re-affirmed the fact that I have not re-assesed my beliefs about myself completely...in the way that I have battled with myself over my weight for years because I'm never truly happy with it.  I mean, I KNOW that diets don't work because they are hard to maintain...but the reasons that I gain the weight back is because of my beliefs about myself and it doesn't have to continue to be this way.

I mean, I shouldn't complain...I've never been obese.  I've only hovered on the overweight line and I generally sit comfortably on the high end of healthy weight, pushing the maximum density during the holidays.  But I always feel like crap about myself if I gain a pound, then I feel good if I lose, until I get sick of eating lettuce and then I gain again.  This is years of beliefs; decades, centuries, passed down by my mother, and her mother before, and on and on about how a woman should look, behave, and exist.

Anyway, I hope this stirs you to re-evaluate your beliefs and specifically your beliefs about yourself.

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Wednesday, November 5th, 2014
11:08 am - The Holidays
It's "The Holidays" again!

In an attempt to help you all reduce your stress levels through the holidays this year, I'm offering a few tips based on some general principles that I have become aware of through my training as a health professional.

Today's tip is one that nobody is going to like, but EVERYONE can benefit from:
Reduce your sugar intake.

Simple!  Or is it?

While it seems like a good idea all around, and we all know that skipping the doughnut with the coffee is always a good idea; however, it's a little more complicated than just throwing out the baked goods and candies.  Take a good look at the ingredients of some of the processed foods in your pantry and fridge.  And yes, they do sell "processed" foods at Whole Foods.  And a lot of processed foods have added sugar in varying forms.  Also, most "low fat" or "light" foods like salad dressings have added sugars, often in the form of high fructose corn syrup, etc.  And while I hate to admit it, sugar is sugar, and whether it's organic cane sugar, agave syrup, or high fructose corn syryp, it's still empty of any nutritional value.  So no, not all sugars are created equal, but they are all still bad for you in excess.

I read on WebMD (so it must be true) that the average American eats 22 teaspoons of sugar a day!  That's the equivalent of about 355 empty calories.  The article also said that the average female shouldn't exceed 6 teaspoons or about 100 calories of sugar and that the average man shouldn't exceed 9 teaspoons or about 150 calories.

In essence, cortisol, the stress hormone increses blood glucose by tapping into protein sources via gluconogenesis in the liver...so when we're stressed out, our blood sugar goes up on it's own, without the added sugar...  So when we're stressed out AND we eat a whole pie by ourselves, because that's what we do, it adds fuel to the fire.  That little sugar high we get for five minutes really wreaks havoc on our homeostasis.  We know this because we crash after. So think of eating sugar as consuming stress.  It's like we just invite it into our bodies.  And while there probably isn't a whole lot you can do about the stressful events of your day, or the holidays, you can do something about what you put in your mouth.  So in essence, you can reduce your stress by eating less sugar.

A few helpful tips:

Throw it away:  Go through your pantry and get rid of stuff that has the added sugar in the form of cane sugar, high fructose corn syrup, .  I actually found a can of BEANS that had sugar added.  Ew.  Why do beans need sugar?  Anyway, if you can part with the added sugars to everyday processed foods, you're halfway there.  Here's a helpful article to help identify the "hidden" sugars in processed foods. http://lowcarbdiets.about.com/od/whattoeat/a/sugars.htm

Make your own salad dressing with olive oil, red wine vinegar (or vinegar of your choice) and dijon mustard.  I like to play around with ratios depending on how flavorful I'm feeling.  Use more oil for less flavor and more mustard for more.  Sometimes I just do plain old olive oil and fresh squeezed lemon.  It actually tastes better to me than bottled salad dressing.  I honestly can't even face most bottled salad dressings anymore.  Cold olive oil suplies the heart healthy omega-3 fatty acids that everyone is talking about and since you're not going to eat that piece of cake, you should absolutely indulge in a little bit of healthy fat.

Visit chocolatecoveredkatie.com :  Katie has amazing healthier dessert recipies with vegan and gluten free options.  It takes a little preparation and possibly purchasing of healthier ingredients, but if you just can't let go of that after dinner sweet, at least 1. make it yourself with healthier ingredients and 2. indulge without the guilt and the stress. :)

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Wednesday, October 29th, 2014
9:50 am - Take a break
It's difficult for most of us to admit that we work too hard.  And even if we don't work too hard, our idea of a "break" is usually checking Facebook, or getting a cup of coffee.  When was the last time you actually sat still, with your eyes closed, for a solid 5 minutes at work?  Maybe that one time when you were comming down with a cold and you were trying to will yourself well?  Either way, this is something we just don't do at work and I think the culture needs to change.  By law, in the U.S. anyway, if you work more than 5 hours, you are entitled to a 15 minute PAID break every four hours.  So why don't we take these breaks?  This is really supposed to be IN ADDITION to the 30 minute lunch break that we actually don't get paid for.

Well guess what?  It's time to start taking these breaks, even if it's for only 5 minutes.

We don't take cigarette breaks anymore, since most people I know have quit smoking.  We don't NEED that extra cup of coffee, and if you do, that's something you might want to contemplate on a deeper level...but that's beside the point.

I challenge you to take a 5 minute break with your eyes closed in a comfortable seated position.  If it is impossible for you to do this at work because you work on your feet or you don't really have your own space to carry out this challenge in relative peace, you have no excuse.  Most work places have bathrooms with stalls.  Take a nice 5 minute crap break without actually taking a crap.  If you're totally grossed out by this prospect, see if you can find another secluded place where you won't be interrupted.

I find that it helps to have some music to listen to also.  This is also a nice time keeper so you'll be sure to sit for more than just 1 minute.  Get your ear buds, play a song that you absolutely LOVE from beginning to end and really listen to it.

I guarantee after you do this you'll be fresher and ready to face the task at hand.

I personally try to do this twice a day.  Sometimes it's hard to drop what I'm doing, but nine times out of ten, when I come back to it, I notice something that I missed before.

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Wednesday, July 2nd, 2014
4:38 pm - The Case Against 8
Sunday was a very lazy day for me.  I was hungover and after going for a long run, in the ungodly sun, at a snail's pace, with my mother, I was ready to sit and rot on the couch for most of the afternoon.  At one point I even considered taking a nap, but failed to fall asleep.  It's so rare for me to actually be lazy, it actually felt kind of weird.

Either way, I happened upon the second half of The Case Against 8, the HBO Documentary about the gay couples who sued California to overturn the ban on gay marriage, which ultimately led to the overturning of DOMA.  I had wanted to see it anyway and was half expecting to turn it off and save it for when I could watch it from the beginning.  Needless to say, I watched it from the middle and I was struck by emotion throughout the whole thing.

I've never, myself, experienced homosexual feelings, but I'm an empathetic person and I can deeply feel the emotions of others.  I have always been accepting of my gay friends, neighbors, etc., and was raised that way as my mother always had gay and lesbian friends for as long as I can remember.

I think what ultimately brought me to tears watching this documentary was the level of hatred these people endured, putting themselves in the spotlight, standing up for their civil rights, for the rights that every other citizen should have.  It was absolutely appalling to see just how many people came out to say that they were wrong, evil, deranged, etc.  I can't believe that we're even still fighting this battle.  I feel like I personally haven't done enough to stand up for gay rights because I was so incredibly blind to their woes.  These are PEOPLE...friends, sons and daughters, parents, employees, members of churches, teachers, and most importantly, they are citizens of the United States!  It's unbelievable to me that I didn't realize what they truly have to endure!

I remember when Duncan and I were going through the immigration process and I was heartsick because there was a chance that the government would say, "sorry, we don't believe you two should be together..."  I was pissed because they had that power to do that, to send him back to the UK for us to try again another way.  It was heartbreaking and nerve racking.  Of course, it didn't happen that way, but there was a chance that it could have and I was appalled at even the sliver of a chance that I wouldn't be able to marry my husband. I should have realized that this is what gay people have to deal with only without as many happy endings.

The end of the documentary (no spoilers here...since you all know what happened if you have any idea what's been happening in the world) had them getting married at the court house.  I couldn't stop crying.  I couldn't imagine going through that.  That boiling up of emotion when you finally get to face your partner of several years and say, "I do" for real, legally, under the eyes of the government.

Now, about Hobby Lobby?  I have faith that most of the women in the US will stand up against this bullshit.  I saw a funny article that was talking about what it would be like if women dictated health care and suddenly decided to end coverage of Viagra... I can't even get started on this.  Why can't straight old white men get over themselves and leave everyone else alone?  And Hobby Lobby can suck it.  I hope they go out of business.

current mood: Angry

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Wednesday, June 25th, 2014
2:34 pm - Underworld
So Underworld is FINALLY reissuing and remastering Dubnobasswithmyheadman.  All I can say about that is....YAY!

I could listen to every song on that album endlessly and have definitely noticed how crappy the sound quality is.

Can you believe it's been 20 years?

http://www.underworldlive.com/news/2014/06/dubnobasswithmyheadman-20th-anniversary-re-issue-show-2/

I'm tempted to try to get tickets for the show and just throw caution and money to the wind and see if my husband wants to go visit his family in London in October...  Anyone want to spot me a couple Gs so I can go see my favourite band play my favourite album in London?

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Thursday, June 12th, 2014
10:52 am - Paradox
I've been thinking about the nature of human beings lately.  We're social creatures who feed on each other's energy.  A pre-programmed co-dependence runs deep in our psyche.  But the real truth is, we're solely responsible for our thoughts and emotions.  I know, on a surface level, one can say, "Well, how can I control my feelings?  It's impossible.  You're completely full of shit...etc. etc."

Yes, there's some validity to that, in that we think this way.  We think that other people make us feel certain things.  We all feel bad when bad things happen to good people.  This is all true.  We all cried when we fell down and scraped our knees as children and we all believed that being treated poorly by other people has molded us in some way.  We all have felt some level of pain, loss and rejection.  Yes, this must be true...and because we think it's true it is true, but it doesn't have to be.  That's enlightenment.

For social creatures to turn within themselves to find the truth and plant that seed of intention takes practice.  It's like a garden.  You can't just plant the seeds and expect them to grow, you have to water your garden, tend to it, turn over the soil, continue to care for it...and even then, sometimes the plants will die.  Don't despair, this journey is cyclical, like all things, and you're not always going to remember everything you know....but you do know everything there is to know....and you always have.

We were born into a dark age.  Sure, we're not as dark as we once were and perhaps there's a light at the end of the tunnel; however, it's not going to be reached in this life, at least not on a world-wide level.  On the personal level, that's up to you.  You can choose to continue being the victim of other people's ideas, etc....but you don't have to be.

An old flame once told me that I needed to be re-programmed (he was a computer programmer).  Not exactly the most romantic thing to say, but in the context he was trying to make me feel better.  At the time I was in a deep depression and though he turned out to be a huge douche, he taught me something...well, more like I learned a lesson and in the end, he was right.  You can never, ever truly control another person...even if you think you can, even if you try your hardest.  You can never ever make a person feel a certain way, if they don't want to feel that way; hence, it works in reverse.

So to those of you, like me, who are empathetic creatures; those who can relate and feed on other people's emotions, as if they were you're own...you don't have to feel all of this.  Practice turning it off like a light switch.  Turn within yourself...that dark, warm, safe place where you have all the power in the universe at your fingertips.

Apparently enlightened people can choose when they are ready to die.  They close their eyes an leave their bodies.  That's how powerful our minds are.

None of this is real and sometimes that's a really nice reality.

current mood: contemplative

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Tuesday, April 22nd, 2014
12:29 pm - Sugar Free
So we're getting to the final count down to my sister's wedding where I have to squeeze myself into a dress that's just a smidge too small.  I'm feeling a little puffy and have been feeding my face with cake, pie, candy, bread...etc and have been telling myself I deserve it because I've been training for the Broad Street 10 mile run, and I've been stressed and deparessed, which has just made things worse in the long run.

I've always wanted to try to cut out the bread and sugar but I'm so addicted, it's been REALLY hard.  Yesterday was day 1.  I was tempted by cake in the copy room, candy on EVERYONE'S desk, pie that I made myself over the weekend and vanilla ice cream that we bought to go with the blueberry pie that I made.  I microwaved a banana and put some straight up cinnamon on it after dinner and had that for my dessert.  It's almost a mental thing at this point....like the meal isn't over until I've eaten something sweet.

Yesterday was hard because I felt tired for most of the day.  I couldn't stop yawning and just wanted some candy to give me a little kick.  I feel a little better today and actually notice a difference in my puffy hands and wrists...they have gone down a little and my rings don't feel tight anymore.

Granted, I came off a weekend binge and I also drank wine...a lot of wine...which always makes me puffy so just the lack of alcohol probably helped.

I really feel like there should be a sugar addicts anonymous.  I could use a sponsor....especially because temptation is EVERYWHERE!

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Monday, March 10th, 2014
4:22 pm - ew
A lady had an episode of EXPLOSIVE diarrhea all over my morning yoga class today.  It got on the floor and then there was a trail out the door and down the hall.  I don't normally have to deal with such occasions, so I was ill prepared.  I do work with senior citizens but I'm not in a nursing home, as some often think.  Needless to say, I did not handle it well....  I gagged, repeatedly, almost cried...in front of the rest of my class that were sitting in shock at what had just happened, waiting to resume the gentle yoga stretch that was supposed to start off their week.  I had to clean it up, at least off the fitness room floor, before we could go about class.  I managed to call housekeeping who came with masks and a carpet shampooer for the carpeted hallway.

Talk about a sh*tty Monday.

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